Why don't you look at me? Is it not enough, the love that I give to you? Am I so abhorrent that you cannot visit me when I'm ill? Is it really that hard to find the time to call and say I love you or ask if all is well?

Then I ask myself. Why do I care? This person who was once my world has found a new world to inhabit and new people to love and no longer needs me. So then why can I not forget this person? Before I can utter the words the answers spring forth. Because I love her. Because being forgotten hurts. Maybe she really is too busy to call or answer her phone. Maybe I'm thinking too much...

Then more questions come. So the why has it been three years since I last saw your face?

Silence now.

My mind refuses to give you up. Beloved girl. No matter how much time passes I don't forget you. Gradually my love is turning to hate and bitterness and I find I no longer like the person who is here. The me who exists now that is.

You left me and my life grew dark. Somehow the one who hurt me died and I know not what to do with my new found freedom. Another replaces the deceased and I reach out to you in desperation. You abandoned me to my fate. You said that I must be provoking them. Now I want to hate you, you, the only ray of light in my life said such things to me and broke me.

I can say nothing to you. I want to say what I think but I fear being hated. What a frightening thing love is.